There is a mouth on the pin
An on-head hit to the nail
There is the cotton composing his boxers
And there is a small step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
In the arms of the first person I ever loved
I kept the pendulum of this step swinging.
The first person I ever loved was Mason
The first boy in school to broaden in the shoulders
I undressed in front of him for the first time
He suggested I join him at the gym while he conditioned for the Lacrosse season.
We would listen to my mixtapes in his car
Begin to flesh out our respective dismemberment plans
Mason’s aggression, sudden like lightning
Like a rainout cancellation
Like the slick grass precipitates a stick to the head.
Masonic oaths
Truisms on the whiteboard
Every day you must make a choice
Just the way things go.
Baby, please come home
Baby, it’s so nice to see you but forgive me
Am I supposed to know who the hell you are?
Vessels distend as I am damned to your passenger seat
Born to intervene
Forced to watch it all metastasize.
Backhanded knuckles to my cheek
Empty Red Bull cans in the backseat
His sock stuffed between my mattress and headboard
The last vestige.
I could’ve been your sentinel sweetheart forever
When the grown-up parties end
I’m always the same little girl waiting in the back of my parents' car while they say their goodbyes
I’m always observing the sweet things from somewhere else.
But at some point I gotta come up for air
I wipe the rocks and mud and dirt out of my hair
I can perfectly recall every ending sequence, but especially ours
Aerosol can to the jaw
Axe body spray Angel
Spit in the face
Your quick-cut flash smile
Premeditated on a two-minute phone call
A moment in the midfield
You were never all there at all.